I Never Cry Alone

and the Lord will wipe away tears from off all faces.

Dedication:

This book is dedicated to you - you who are just now facing the sadness and sorrow and pain of death and loss. It is my desire that within these pages you may find peace and comfort and strength to meet all of your deepest needs.

Preface

Thousands of books have been written for the purpose of helping people who are facing death or dealing with the grief and the pain that is experienced when a close friend or loved one dies. Many of them have been well written with great sensitivity and compassion. Why then another? Why this book? My answer? The job is not yet done!

Just yesterday I was privileged to join in discussion with a committee of medical ethicists assigned to evaluate physician competence in "end-of-life" situations and seek ways to improve medical care at this important and often very costly time of life. One of the most frequently recurring observations that came out during our discussion had to do with the discomfort that many physicians and care givers experience when confronted with a dying patient. How does one who is trained to protect and prolong life at almost any cost suddenly accept "defeat" and become a comforter and a pillar of strength to the patient and family facing death? The dilemma is difficult enough when there is absolutely no hope of recovery under any circumstances. It is nigh impossible when there is even a remote possibility that another test, another x-ray study, or another technological proceedure might just possibly turn things around and result in months or years of useful life.

But why the discomfort when talking about death? Why is death so often perceived as failure by both the physician and the patient and his family as well? Is it in some strange way a reflection of our roots and the old, old story of Adam and Eve and their experience with the snake that lied to them in the garden? Is it because of some inner sense of our own ability to master and control our lives and our world, even if in defiance of the greater wisdom of God? Is it because we do not yet have a clear picture of what death is and the important role that it plays in God's plan and purpose for our eternal benefit? Are these some of the reasons that we are afraid to talk about death and face it's reality with courage and hope?

We live in a pluralistic society, a world made up of many diverse philosophies and religious beliefs. We have been conditioned to accept the assertion that though there may be diverse beliefs among us, we may enjoy unity based upon those things that we hold in common. Accordingly, in our earnest attempts to reach out and touch others in their time of need, we are prone to do so in ways that are certain not to hurt or offend another's belief system. This is especially true when dealing with such a traumatic experience as death. Who could fault such sensitivity? Unfortunately, that which is done with sensitivity and pure intent often fails, because of it's "generic" quality, to satisfy its objective and prove of much real value to our hurting friend. In our attempt to meet our neighbor at his door, we fail to share the very thing we have to give, the essence of ourselves, the values and beliefs that make us who and what we are.

Without belittling the philosophies or beliefs of any other, this book is an attempt to share the unique beauties of the gospel as I have discovered them from the Holy Bible with those who must deal with the realities associated with death and dying. Whatever your particular belief or religious persuasion, I hope that you will find comfort and strength from the pages of this book as you come to understand the significance of the words, "I never cry alone!"

Introduction

Tears filled my eyes and blurred the bright rays of the midday sun as I stood beside the hand-made pine box holding the silent body of Rosemary that day on the Island of Guam. Family and friends had gathered from around the island to pay their last respects. I came to try to comfort John, her young husband and the father of the little princes whose birth I had attended just a few weeks before. Then there had been happiness and tears of joy. Today, only tears of sadness. Death had claimed yet another victim and left another little girl orphaned, - another young lover destitute. Death from acute leukemia first suspected from a blood count drawn at the time of delivery. So cold and so unfair!

Where is God when we need him most?

This book, I NEVER CRY ALONE! is an attempt to apply the knowledge and power of the gospel, the good news of God's love as revealed in the Holy Bible, to deal with that greatest of all tragedies of life, DEATH.

What is death?

Why death?

How does one resolve the apparent paradox that exists between the reality of death and the concept of a God of love?

What comfort may be found for one suffering the grief of death? What help for one feeling the pangs of such personal loss?

How does one "live" again after loss?

In the pages of this little book we will explore answers to questions such as these and suggest helpful ways for you to deal with the tragedy of death with peace, hope and good courage. Whatever your personal need, it is my hope that you may find here that for which you are seeking.

Pray that God will guide you in this experience.

Chapter I     Life, God's gift of Love

Life, what is it anyway? And living! What does that mean?

What is it that we hang unto to so tenaciously when it is threatened? Yet seems so insignificant and even trifling at other times?

Why should it be that a human being should suddenly appear in the drama of life on the theater of the earth, stay around for a scene or two, and then vanish? - Like grass or wild flowers in the summer heat! (James 4:14)

What is the reason that as far back in history as there are records, we humans have always believed that we would live again? In a better world - A higher state - Free of the disappointments and tragedies of our experience here! Where do such ideologies come from?

If we would deal successfully with death, it is important to examine life whereby we may better understand what happens when life comes to an end. In this chapter we will explore this thing that we know as life and look at the factors that determine its worth.

In Eden God formed a man out of the clay of the ground, breathed into him the breath of life and he became a living being. (Genesis 2:7) All of us recognize the difference between a lifeless form and a living person. What is that difference? When does it begin?

A man produces millions of sperm every day - little one celled things with half the human compliment of chromosomes - that swim around in the body secretions for hours or days, very much like the microorganisms in the local frog pond. Are they alive? Certainly they qualify as living things if we apply common physiologic principles to the processes going on inside of their cell membranes. Are they human beings? Or bugs?

A woman produces a single egg each month. Unless fertilized, it travels down through the channels of the womb and is discarded in a few days. If harvested by microsurgical techniques, it can be frozen and stored for months or years, alive. A frozen human being? No! Then what? Perchance in its passage through the womb the egg is found by a sperm that enters the egg and combines genetic substance. Do we now have a new person? Is it alive? In a different way than were each of its parts? It too may be frozen and stored on a shelf! What is it now? Yet, place this unified thing in a favorable environment with proper nutrients and it suddenly begins to change. This thing soon divides to form two identical things, then again to form four, eight, sixteen, thirty two, sixty four, one hundred twenty eight, etc., etc.. Before long it begins to change shape and the identical cells begin to take on different characteristics. Organs begin to take form and start to function. Is this new thing alive? Who would deny? But is it a human being?

The process continues within the culturing environment of the mother's womb and eventually develops into a shape that we may recognize as a human baby, yet connected by a tether to it's mother through which it receives it's life supporting oxygen and nutrients. Is it a person yet or merely an appendage on the mother? At the appointed time of about nine months this human likeness is squeezed out of it's nest into a cold and hostile world where it is still completely dependent upon other beings to remain alive. At what point is this living thing a human being? Can you say? Do the miracles that occurred at birth, the breaking of the tether to the mother, the switching of the blood circuits around the heart and lungs, that first gasp of breath, the cry of hunger and the taking of food now make it a person? Strange isn't it that we should have living things that we all recognize as alive but that we can't be sure when they become living human beings?

To make things even more interesting, we may consider that the sperm and egg did not come from a man and a woman, but from rooster and hen or a monkey and his mate. The process is all the same. Only the product is different - a chick or a baby monkey. Alive? Certainly! Human beings? No! What is different?

According to the creation account in the Bible, human beings were a special order of creation, designed by God in his own image, to be one with him, and to rule over all of this magnificent new earth creation, i.e., the chickens and monkeys, the fish of the sea, and all other creatures and living things. (Genesis 1:28-31) To be their guardians and keepers and to be served by them in turn. By design, superior intelligence especially prepared man for his unique role as friend of God and stewards and custodians of the earth - to bask in its beauty and to enjoy all of its goodness - forever.

There was one stipulation described with which these humans must comply if they would secure their dominion. Only one! Placed in the very midst of the garden home as a reminder of mankind's dependency upon his Creator and the principles that governed all of His creation was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, their test of loyalty. This, man must not touch lest he should die, lest he should sacrifice the life that he was created to enjoy for all time without end. (Note: We humans tend to read God's statement describing death for disobedience as vindictive and arbitrary. What if his statement was rather predictive of the natural outcome of disobedience and disregard to the laws governing our being?)

You have heard the story. (You may read about it in the Bible, Genesis chapter three) Adam and his lovely wife, Eve, ignored God's warning about the dissident Satan, yielded to his flattering temptations, believed his lies about God, and after being found by God in their hiding place, listened to God as he sorrowfully described their return to the dust of the ground from which they were made.

It would be a sad commentary indeed if the story ended there. It does not. For God is love in person - and love cannot remain silent or inactive when it is touched by need. So right there in the garden, God outlined his plan for the destined pair. Though unable to hold back the consequences of their insubordinate act, death, he would never-the-less himself leave the glories of heaven and become a man among men, accept the "penalty" of their independent act and provide a way for them to live again, as victors over evil - forever.

So what is this living thing called man that God created - and died for? How does it differ from the ants and rabbits and the cows and the elephants? What does it mean to be ALIVE as a man?

As in every human heart there is a sense of the possibility of life after death, there exists also in each of us the sense of dependency upon someone bigger and wiser than we ourselves. We call that something, that entity beyond our words of description, God. We all know in our inmost being that we are incomplete in our present state apart from him. We all call upon him when we are desperate and in need. And yes, most of us also recognize the need to bend our knees or bow our heads in worship from time to time. Do the animals do the same? I think not. Human beings are a special kind of life, created for a special purpose, created for fellowship with God. Sons and daughters of a royal family.

According to the plan each of us is unique. Each of us bring to the universe something new and different than ever existed before. Each of us, even though one of billions of earthlings, is infinitely valued by our God. Each one deemed worthy of divine rescue at infinite cost. Yes reader, you too!

I can't tell you why! But it is true! Love sometimes does some pretty "foolish" things.

But life is more than mere living. Life is awakening in the morning to hear birds singing in the trees, it is seeing delicate flowers decorating the plants along the walk, or smelling their sweet fragrance wafted upon the cool, gentle breeze. Life is dreaming and planning and creating beautiful things. It is joy and hope and anticipation. Life is family and friends sharing the joys of life. It is communing often with an unseen friend and thrilling over providential wonders He provides. And yes, life is looking beyond the pain and sorrow and sadness so oft the lot of men and knowing deep inside there is a reason, and that one day we will understand.

The Bible uses some interesting terminology to describe life. "For to be carnally (worldly) minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace," Romans 8:6. "Therefore I say unto you, take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink: nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?" Matthew 6:25. "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life ---," John 14:6. He that hath the Son hath life: and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life," I John 5:12. "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death," I John3:14.

The sum of the matter is this. Human life is more than a few globs of cells efficiently working together to perform a given job. Any animal does as well. Human life is more than a good job, a comfortable home, a satisfying bank role, a growing family, and an abundance of things. Human life is really only complete as it occurs in meaningful relationships among men and between man and his God. The closer those relationships, the greater the love that drives them, the higher the quality of the life one has to live, the more our humanity reflects our original created condition. The adverse is also true. Where love is missing life is pretty sad indeed.

Love is the key. Love is the power that gives quality to life, that determines height and depth and breadth and length of fullness of life. Love is the driving force behind every tender thought and nobel act. Love is the power that brings people together in true oneness of thought and purpose, and the bond that links us to God. That allows us to "really live".

Love also provides the tools for dealing with death - the death of others, and our own certain demise.

Keep these thoughts in mind as we look at the other side of life - death, and consider its implications in the next chapter.

Chapter II     Death, reason for grief!

What does one say to an eight year old girl who has just lost her mother by suicide? How does one comfort the mother of a victim of childhood leukemia? What consolation is there for the dependent families after the death of the sole supporter and breadwinner? How does one rationalize the loss of loved ones by natural disasters? Where is the justice of tribal slaughter, gang violence or war? You have your own questions! What is death anyway? And why?

What are your questions about death? Perhaps your mind has been flooded with them of late. If so, you may find benefit in writing them down on a pad of paper or in a notebook. Forcing yourself to put your thoughts into words and writing them down may make it easier for you to work at finding answers that will meet your specific needs. As you find your answers, write them in beside the questions.

As a physician and surgeon treating life threatening illnesses almost daily I am regularly obliged to talk with patients and their families about death. It may be to tell a young man at the zenith of life that he is dying of cancer and it is time to make preparations for those who will be left behind. Perhaps it is a sweet grandmother with life threatening pancreatitis who will probably not survive, or a little child dying of complications of a congenital heart defect. I meet all kinds of reactions from the most reserved and stoic to the very emotional. The immediate reaction is almost always different than the subsequent one that occurs after people have had time to process the reality of it in their minds. Yet, both the immediate and the delayed reaction closely parallel one's understanding of what death is all about. We react to that which we believe

What is your present understanding of death?

After each of the following statements there is a place for you to record your concepts about death. If you are in total agreement with the statement, place an 'X' in the "10" column. If you are in total disagreement with the statement, Place your 'X' in the "0" column. If you are uncertain, place the 'X' in the column where it most accurately reflects your present understanding.

Keep these responses in mind as you read and study. You may find that the "fuzzy" answers will become clear or that present understanding does not mesh with the weight of evidence indicating another explanation. Seeing such, note the reaction these "new" insights have upon your pain and the sorrows and sadness that death has delivered to you.

What is death? Let us explore to see what we can discover.

One may pull a plant up with it's roots and lay it upon the dry ground in the bright sunshine. Before long it begins to shrivel up and become limp. If left there long enough, it will undergo irreversible changes such that it can no longer be resuscitated. We call this death. If we were to examine this plant in the laboratory we would discover that though it's cellular structure may remain intact, it's functions have all stopped.

Perchance one goes fishing and catches a fish. He lays it on the grass beside the lake. For a short time it flops around upon the ground, it's gills work feverishly gasping for oxygen. Soon it stops and lies still. Before long it becomes stiff and it's scales loose their former sheen. After not too many hours it begins to smell badly and before very many days begins to decompose and return to become part of the earth, it's vital functions lost and it's remains devoured by microorganisms and other scavengers of the earth.

Expensive furs come at the expense of beautiful animals - the choicest ones from wild animals. We set a trap, often positioned so that the animal will be forced under water and drown when it sets foot in the trap. As water fills it's lungs, the oxygen supple is cut off. In almost no time at all vital functions cease. The specimen is picked up by the trapper and skinned out, it's precious fur sold to the furrier - the carcass discarded or tossed to the dogs.

Nor is it different when a man occludes the arteries to his heart and triggers an arrhythmia followed by an arrest. The heart stops beating. Circulation of blood ceases. Oxygen and nutrition are cut off from the brain. Unless resuscitation is begun promptly, in three or four minutes the brain has exhausted it's minuscule reserves and electrochemical action stops. We pronounce the person dead.

But what is death? In the four examples sighted above, in each case, death was equated with irreversible cessation of biochemical processes within the cells comprising the various tissues and organs of the body. Until very recently, corresponding to the present age of technology and our knowledge of cellular biology and molecular biochemistry, the event was determined by the cessation of spontaneous breathing. It was simple then. Now we have difficulty really knowing when death occurs. Are we correct in considering one dead when brain function ceases? Or when breathing stops? (What if we decide to place the "person" on the mechanical respirator?) Or when the heart stops, (which of course may be determined by how effectively we maintain the other bodily functions by artificial means with our machines)? Even if we decide to forego resuscitative efforts, we have not resolved all of our questions. Brain cells rapidly exhaust their reserves bringing their biochemical processes to a halt. Many other tissues may remain viable and able to respond to resuscitation much longer. The heart and other major organs must be "harvested" rapidly and immediately cooled and maintained in especially prepared solutions in order to be useful as living transplants to another person. Skin and blood on the other hand may be viable for days or weeks with no more care than cooling in a sterile environment - and months or years when frozen. When is a person dead? When the brain ceases to function? When the transplanted heart stops for the last time? Or when the last blood cell is no longer good for transfusion? What is death?

Perhaps the Good Book is correct after all. Perhaps the best determinant of death is still the time of the last breath, however that breath is delivered, (very much as the beginning of life may be determined by the first breath!). But is it different for the plant, or for the fish, or for the fur bearing Ermine than for one of us? Is this the end? Or as we noted earlier, is there something more beyond death as human beings are prone to believe?

The wisdom of men has no answer to these questions. Science has not deciphered the code providing any kind of proof of life after death. Many examples of "paranormal" phenomena provide a framework upon which some build a case for life after death. We might sight for example the seance where a loved one appears and speaks to us, or apparitions and dreams in which some people experience contact with the "other" world. But are these phenomenon real, even if not scientifically verifiable, or merely machinations of the human mind? What about the dreams that come in a drunken state or in the middle of the night after a heavy meal? Or the "visions that some have in "near death" experiences? Who can say for sure? The Bible can! Though beyond scientific "proof", the Bible is a trustworthy document upon which we may safely place our confidence. It's wisdom is beyond comparison. It's prophecies unfailing. It's picture of God reasonable to the human mind.

There is a word that we use to describe belief in those things that we are unable to prove by scientific means, but for which we may have good and acceptable evidence. This word is faith. It is used primarily when referring to spiritual concepts, but even in our high tech age, there are many things that we do not understand and cannot prove by scientific method. We call these unproven ideas theories, but we accept them by faith just as we accept spiritual principles by faith.

It is the belief of this writer, and the thesis of the book that any discussions about death must seriously consider the teachings of the Bible. There is no other book, no other resource that provides a more reasonable and logical basis for belief about the issues of life and about death than this Holy Book. It will be used as our resource and standard of faith throughout this book. Before we begin our search of the Bible's store of wisdom regarding this thing we call "death", please work through the following thought exercise.

Try to put yourself in God's place for a moment. For each of the following scenarios, answer as you think God might answer. Ask God to direct your thoughts as you consider each one.

You are now God. You have created a new race of intelligent beings possessing many of your own characteristics. You have made them to be your own friends and companions. You have placed them in a lovely paradise home and instructed them regarding all of the things that they would need to know and do in order to live and enjoy life without end. Daily you come to visit with them and enjoy their fellowship. One day upon your arrival, they are nowhere to be found. You look all around the usual places and call out to them but they don't answer. You call again and again. When finally they respond to your voice from their hiding place you realize that something is wrong, drastically wrong. In response to your persistent inquiry you discover the awful truth that though deceived by a common enemy, they have consciously and purposely disregarded your warnings regarding the only limitations that you have placed in their whole world. They have eaten the fruit of the tree that was designed to serve as a symbol of their dependence upon you and their willingness to comply with the principles of your governance.

What will you do with them?

Choose from the following suggestions or write your own answer.

            ----- (1.) Ignore their act and tell them its all OK. You are God and it is your nature to forgive and forget. As far as you are concerned, nothing will change.

            ----- (2.) "Zap" them with a bolt of lightning. Destroy them at once before they contaminate the rest of your creation by their rebellious example. You know that you can create replacements with the snap of your finger.

            ----- (3.) Let them live but warn them that the experience that they have just been through has already changed them. The act, symbolic as it was, has already conditioned their minds and will lead to other independent acts contrary to the principles of your governance that by natural consequence are incompatible with continuing life - death.

            ----- (4.) Change the laws by which you govern. You might even offer to let them help to make the changes!

            ----- (5.) Other __________________________________________________.

Let us suppose that you chose number 1. You continue your visits with them just as if nothing ever happened. During the next few weeks you discover that they have become regular diners at the forbidden tree. It seems that they have learned to enjoy the "high" they get there. Yet, you rationalize, it's only a little thing. I love them too much to get after them again. I'll just make believe that I don't know a thing about their activities. Before long you notice that they are no longer waiting for you when you arrive or find excuses to leave during your visit. You suspect that they are being "brainwashed" by the enemy there at the tree.

            What will you do? When?

            What can you do to restore the fellowship that you had with them before? You, being God, know that the course they are on will continue "down hill" until they have finally severed all connections with you and disregarded all of the principles that you have provided whereby they may live and enjoy life. What are your options now?

Perhaps you anticipated the above outcome and chose number 2 instead. Rather than allowing your created friends to experience the painful process of separation and eventual death that was a given certainty from the start, you choose to take them out of the picture at once, instantaneously and painlessly.

            Can you live with yourself now? These were your companions, created to be your friends. Is this the best you could do?

            What will you tell those beings on the other worlds when they ask you how things are going on planet earth?

            How will you reassure them that you won't do the same to them if they should "slip"? You tell them that you acted for their benefit to prevent pain and misery, heartache and sadness. How can they know you are right? Do you sense the questions sprouting up in their minds about your self proclaimed love and goodness?

Let us look at the third option. You talk with them and explain to them where they are headed. You tell them that you would like to prevent the expected outcome, but that your love cannot allow you to interfere with their freedom to choose or to reject you and the principles of your government. They have crossed a line of no return and you are powerless in the name of freedom to prevent the outcome. Now what can you do?

            Let them run the course and die?

            Change the rules?

            Forgive them for their act and miraculously change the natural outcome of each of their rebellious ways so that life may continue in spite of their poor choices.

            Put them through a purgatory of sorts and attempt to get them to yield to your ways?

            Can you think of any other way?

Perhaps number 4 is best. You had better rethink the rules by which you operate - redesign the principles of your government! The problem is, these principles already perfectly reflect the very nature of who you are, of your character of love. There is no way to improve upon them. How will you convince these your fallen friends?

Are you beginning to sense the predicament that God was in back then when Adam and Eve listened to the devil disguised as a snake in the garden of Eden? While we think as men, not as God, it is useful to attempt to understand why He must sometimes do the things that He must do.

Now we are prepared to study what the Bible outlines as God's answer to the dilemma of rebellion and sin and the death that accompanies it. Study carefully the following Bible references that describe the beautiful way that God has designed to deal with the terrible death sentence that evil has inflicted upon our world. You will note the beauty of the plan and it's high cost. It will tell you something about your value as a human being! Watch to see whose tears are mingled with ours!

You will recall from the previous chapter that human beings were formed by God's own hand from the dust of the earth. He then placed within them the "the breath of life" and they became living human beings, (Genesis2:7).(This text is sometimes rendered living soul(s). Please note that in most places in the Bible, the words soul and human being are interchangeable) Death of course is the reversal of this process. "You shall gain your bread by the sweat of your brow until you return to the ground; for from it you were taken. Dust you are, to dust you shall return," Genesis 3:19.

"For the living know that they shall die; but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, and their hatred, and their envy, is now perished; neither have they any portion for ever in any thing that is done under the sun," Ecclesiastes 9:5. (See also Psalms 115:17; Psalms 146:4) "All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again," Ecclesiastes 3:19,20.

But do not stop here! Death is not the end! The Bible describes God's answer to the dilemma described above. It outlines His rescue plan to deal with the consequences of our wayward choices (death), and restore us to life. Not to the kind of troubled life we have come to recognize as our lot, but to the original state that existed before our planet was marred by evil. Listen!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life," John 3:16. "For behold, I create a new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind. --- the voice of weeping shall be no more heard in her, nor the voice of crying. --- And they shall build houses and inhabit them; and they shall plant vineyards, and eat the fruit of them. They shall not build and another inhabit; they shall not plant, and another eat: --- The wolf and the lamb shall feed together, and the lion shall eat straw like the bullock: and dust shalt be the serpent's meat. They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain, saith the Lord," (Isaiah 65:17-25). "We look for a new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness," (II Peter 3:13). "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away," Revelation 21:3,4. (Read also all of Revelation chapter 21 and 22.) "But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him," I Corinthians 2:9. "By faith Able --- Noah --- Abraham --- Jacob --- Sarah, these all died in the faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. --- Now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city," Hebrews 11:4-16.

The inhabitants of that "better land" need not fear a repeat of the troubles of this planet. It will not happen again. There will be none there to hurt or destroy, none to cause pain, none powerful to overwhelm the weak. Only goodness and justice will be found there, (righteousness). "And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie," Revelation 21:27. "They shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea," Isaiah 11:9. "What do you imagine against the Lord? He will make an utter end: affliction shall not rise up the second time," Nahum 1:9. (See Revelation 18:21; Jeremiah 51:63,64)

We noted the passage of Scripture above that indicated that the faithful ones who had died believing, had not yet received the promised "city" for which they longed. This death that we all must experience while waiting for God to put all of the parts of His rescue plan together and complete them is described in the Bible as being like sleep. We lie down in death. We will awaken again in the resurrection, completely oblivious to all that occurred while we were in the grave. "He breaths his last breath, he returns to the dust; and in that same hour all his thinking ends." Psalms 146:4. "Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake: some to everlasting life, others to shame and everlasting contempt," Daniel 12:2. "For when David had served God's purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried with his fathers and his body decayed." Acts 13:36 (NIV). His friend Lazarus had been dead and in the tomb four days when Jesus arrived. Listen as he describes Lazarus' condition. "After he had said this, he went on to tell them, 'Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going to wake him up.'" John 11:11 (NIV) In the book of Hebrews we read this about those who have been faithful to the cause of God through the days of their lives. "And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise: (resurrection and new life) God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect," Hebrews 11:39,40.

Yes, there will be resurrection from death. We will live again. It will occur when Jesus returns, this time as King of Kings and Lord of Lords. For those who have accepted the gift provided by God, there will be full restoration to the glories of the original Edenic paradise. Read with me the account of Holy Scripture as it describes this event.

Jesus is speaking, "I go (back to heaven) to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am you may be also," John 14:2,3. "But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. --- For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air; so shall we ever be with the Lord," II Thessalonians 4:13,16,17. "For as the lightening cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be," Matthew 24:27. "In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. ---then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?" I Corinthians 15:52-55.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved," John 3:16,17.

"God is love," I John 4:16

Let us summarize:

            Love inspires and empowers God to create human beings as friends. He creates them to live forever, time without end, and provides them with governing principles whereby this may be assured. He places a special tree as an emblem of his creative love in the center of their garden home. Each time they pass that way, they are reminded of the special place they have in his heart and of their value to him. (More recent lovers have created castles and palaces for their special person!)

            An enemy, Satan, disguised as a beautiful speaking snake, catches them off guard and causes them to question the motives of their lover. They fall for the trick, only to discover too late that they have been duped. And it changes their whole lives. The initial intrigue and exhilaration that they feel for "pulling a fast one over on God" suddenly turns to fear, and guilt, and shame as they realize the full impact of what they have done. They are driven to run and hide from him whom they have loved so much. Later, when God comes to visit and finds them in their hiding place, they are full of questions. Why is there a Satan? Why are you and he at such odds? Why did you allow him to deceive us there at your special place? Why? Why? Why?

            And when he tactfully tries to tell them about the terrible consequences of disregard for his principles of governance, they wonder, why? When he ushers them toward the gate and out of the garden home, they ask, What did we do that was so bad as to deserve this? He tries to explain, but they cannot understand. Sin has blinded their eyes.

            Outside of the gate, God kills a lamb, dresses it out and makes cloths for them to protect them from the chill of the night. As he works he tells them that like this lamb that was killed so that they might live and be protected from the night, he himself would come to earth as a baby, born of a woman, to live and to die as did this lamb. In this way, through his life as man and through death, though they would die as originally warned, they might live again.

Yes. All men must die. But death may be as peaceful and sweet for us as sleep is to the child who closes his eyes in his mother's arms, trusting her to awaken him in the morning, (yes, even if he has been "bad"). The child may awaken to discover that his mother has been murdered or taken away, or worse, knocked out with drugs, or off running with some winsome lover. But God will not. He has charge of the night and will be there in the morning, for death when trusting our God is not the end of life, but a mere hiatus of rest followed by the morning of eternal day. We will awaken in the morning. The promise is sure. A way has been prepared. Follow along!

In the next chapter we will take a look at love. We will attempt to see the role it played in God's response to human beings caught up in the web of this evil world and the role it must play in our human response to his rescue effort.

Special assignment: Obtain a Bible with a concordance or a CD ROM of the Bible with concordance. Study carefully the following words in the context in which they appear. Throughout your study ask yourself this question, what is the Bible trying to tell me about the condition of man after death? Here are the words and phrases for your study. Everlasting. For ever and ever. Eternal fire. Burn. Hell. Grave. Your study of these words will likely suggest yet others that relate to the topic at hand. Look those up too. Ask God to reveal the truth about death to you as you study. Record a summary of your discoveries in your personal notebook. (Note: You will find a few texts that seem to be in conflict with the primary themes. Ask God to teach you how these fit into the over all statement that God is trying to make.)

Chapter III     Love Is-----!

On this mornings news there was a story describing the anguish of two parents and their struggle with their rebellious teen age son. It seems that the community was claiming that the parents were responsible for his actions, implying that they had not raised him well or exercised sufficient control over him. Without entering into that debate, I wish only to pose a question raised by the example. What options does a loving parent have when dealing with a child who chooses not to live by the values they have believed and tried to teach? Parents, as good as they might be, are human. Their children are prone to pick up their weaknesses. This is human nature at work. Does this fact make them guilty for their children's crime? Does it make them any less loving?

You see, the Bible says, "God is love". He is the ultimate example, The premier authority. His whole government is founded upon love's principles. Is he therefore responsible for our acts of rebellion? Should he be prosecuted for the evil we would do? (Please keep this question in mind for later reference.) Even more to the point, what options are available to one who himself is the perfection of love, who has done everything right with his children, who brings with him no load of baggage to pass on to his heirs, but finds himself with children who choose another way of life that destroys both them and the society in which they live? What can love do?

Let us take a look at this thing that we call love. Let us examine it's strengths and discover it's limitations. Let us seek to find the reason for death in a world created by love and try to understand the challenge facing God in dealing with intelligent beings who were designed to be able to reason from cause to effect, to think, and to make decisions - even bad ones if they should so choose.

Let us look too at love for it's power to grant us victory in our own struggles when facing death, whether our own or when grieving the loss of family or friend.

Many people have tried to define love - to describe it with words. But love is bigger than mere words. And it is beyond physical description, for love is a very spiritual thing.

We use the word love to describe an intense feeling that we have about something or someone. We love ice-cream or spotted horses or red automobiles or our friends, our family, or our God. In every instance it is the same word. Sometimes it is also the same intense feeling. Yes, sadly, sometimes we love our ice-cream with the same intensity as our brother, or even more!

We use the same word, love, to describe the head over heals experience that a young lady suffers when she "falls in love" with a handsome young man, or a young man who has "flipped out" over a pretty lady.

Love is a word that we sometimes use to describe loyalty between members of a family or clan - that allows for all sorts of inner circle conflict, but when challenged from outside, unites to defend and protect it's members.

Even God, in describing the reason for his world rescue mission uses the same word, love. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whosoever should believe in him should not perish, but have everlasting life," John 3:16.

Yet, we all know that in each of these instances the word has very different connotations. Just as it has a variety of connotations, it also has varying levels of maturity.

There is that level of love that is mostly self focused. A newborn baby, by necessity, begins here when all of it's energies are expended making sure it's needs are being met. ("I love me for my sake".)

At a slightly higher level of maturity, a boy falls in love with a girl. Is his first thought about what he may give to her and how he may make her life interesting and worthwhile? Or is it more likely the excitement that he feels as he looks upon her beauty or fantasizes the touch of their lips or of holding her is his arms? ("I love you for my sake".) Many of us live our whole lives with such a focus upon our own "needs" and desires.

Another quality of love is demonstrated by the bond that exists between a mother for her child. ("I love you for your sake, just because you are you".) Many mothers would rather risk their own starvation than watch a son or daughter go hungry.

Occasionally we read of "ordinary" people who offer their life to another. Do you recall some such story where one has given his life so that others might live? This too is love. Jesus said, "greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends," John 15:13.

Can you think of a word that would describe the "foolishness" of God in stepping out of paradise and taking upon himself the lot of a common man, subject to the temptations of man, struggling through life with poverty and living with ridicule, then dying at the hands of his enemies whom he had come to rescue from otherwise certain death? There is only one word. What man has this kind of love?

It is interesting that we humans may experience the growth of love from one level to the next. We need not remain static in our self centeredness, nor lose the bit of love we now possess. Perhaps you have known some man and wife who have grown to live above the "puppy love" of childhood and after years of togetherness who find no greater joy than in giving the other happiness.

Though we cannot define love, we all know it when we see it in action (yes, some may attempt to fake it.) In fact, love does possess certain unmistakable characteristics that when present reveals itself by its deeds.

Let us look at a few illustrations that may help to picture this thing that we call love.

We may illustrate love with an equilateral triangle. When it is real, you and I and God interrelate in perfect symmetry, drawing our strength from one another and in turn meeting the needs of one another. When such relationships of love exist, love occupies the whole inside and overflows to benefit the world outside. Jesus said, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thy self," Luke 10:27.

drawing here

When the strength of the triangle is altered by focusing upon self, the center remains as an empty vacuum, constantly striving for meaning and purpose and value.

drawing here

            Can you think of some ways that a loving person might express his love?

            Think of some things that a selfish person does to attract attention and try to fill the emptiness of his life.

Put another way, love is like a spring of water bubbling out of the ground and flowing out to water the earth, causing lush vegetation to live and grow and flourish. In its absence, there is only parched desert sand.

Love is like the pure white light of the sun, a perfect balance of the various components of the visible portion of the electromagnetic spectrum. There is violet and red and orange and yellow and green, and blue and purple, all working together to energize and give life to both plants and animals. In its absence, there is only darkness and death. Love too may be seen in its various hues such as justice, courage, goodness, power, patience, loyalty and honor. When these are present and active in the life, there is love and life is worth living. When absent, life is like a big black hole that can never be filled.

space for illustration of rainbow here

            Think of what life would be like without love's characteristics in the life.

            Why do you suppose that the rainbow was selected by God to remind us of his love?

Love is not only giving to others. Nor is love only receiving. Love is a perfect cycle of giving and receiving, of taking the gifts given, adding our own personal touch, and passing them on to someone else to enjoy. All of the universe operates by this cycle of benevolent love.

space here for illustration of cycle of benevolence

            Write in your personal note book or diary a list of the gifts that you have received or are now receiving that are of benefit to your life. (Things such as health, the senses with to enjoy the world about you, friends, etc.. Remember too that sometimes "hard things" are also gifts that stimulate growth and teach us to enjoy life more!)

            Make a list of some of your gifts that bear your imprint (the mark of your life experience) that you might share with the world around you.

Love grows by exercise, by receiving and by giving. We begin life focused upon self and our perceived needs. As we grow, we may begin to learn the joy of giving, yet hoping for some gift in return. In time with proper nurturing, love may grow until we find ourselves sharing the benefits of our life, just for the sheer joy of it. When full grown, love will cause us to offer the best of ourselves for the benefit of our fellow travelers on earth and to our God.

            Do you know anyone who appears as though they have never seriously exercised love for God or men?

            Think for a moment about some of the things that you have observed in people who have remained focused upon themselves and failed to grow in love.

Love not only occurs in varying levels and intensities. It also responds in various ways to differing circumstances. Perhaps the best way to illustrate this quality of love is to look again at the love of a parent for a much cherished son or daughter. Here, love is expressed in tender words of encouragement and praise and in warm hugs and gentle touches. But not alone in these ways. Too, love places fences around dangerous, if attractive, temptations and sometimes lifts the hand with a firm application to the tender buttocks in carefully calculated discipline, an act often misunderstood by the spirited child. In large families where love must be evenly shared, great wisdom is often necessary in order for justice to reign.

Question: You are the loving parent of five kids. Your first born has rejected all of your overtures of love and kindness and has ventured out on a course of his own choosing. Alcohol, drugs and firearms threaten the safety of everyone in your home, your other children, your spouse and yourself. How will love respond to his/her actions? What are the limits of those actions? Have you considered the size of God's family and questioned how he applies his love? Do you still?

While love must sometimes be tough, (perhaps even to the point of capital punishment) and always be just and careful for the innocent bystander, it must always respect the freedom of its object. It will not control - cannot control the rights of another intelligent being to choose his/her course of action. God did not create puppets to be held by strings - in his hand or in ours.

And our love may be rejected - or scorned! (Remember the cross on the hill called Calvary?)

Love is creative, restorative and healing. Human beings are complex mixtures of brain, Braun and feeling (emotions). When love is present in an individual, each of these function to maintain and encourage health and happiness. Study the following list of words. Each describes some emotion or attitude that human beings may experience. Everyone recognizes that when we experience certain emotions we feel good and our bodies function better. (An example of the "physical" being affected by the mental and spiritual.) We have all experienced this.

             On a separate slip of paper or in you note book, rearrange the words below into a vertical column so that those that make a person feel good and tend to promote health are at the top of the list and those that cause one to feel badly or make us really sick are at the bottom. (fear, jealousy, hope, anger, faith, discouragement, revenge, joy, gratitude, guilt, hate, frustration, impatience, peace, trust, suspicion) Add your own words where you think that they belong.

            Look at the words again. Notice that all of the emotions that make us feel good and keep us healthy are rooted in love. Note too that all of those that give us headaches and make us sick are focused upon ourselves.

Do you now understand the difference between loving one's self and being selfish? Did the illustration of the two triangles help to distinguish them? (Note: When Satan caught Eve and Adam off guard in the garden, do you suppose it was because of his love for them? Or some other motive?)

Read the following accounts to further understand the difference between true self love and self centered love. In each case, try to determine whether the action is done for the good of the doer, or for someone else.

             1.) David always seeks to get the biggest piece of pie.

             2.) Ryan has always struggled with feelings of inferiority but has discovered that by excelling on the basketball court he gets all sorts of perks that make him feel great and very important.

             3.) Megan goes to the mall and sees a beautiful "designer" dress costing far more than her meager earnings can afford. She purchases it on credit, dreaming of how "rich" it will make her look.

             4.) Jasper accepts an invitation to a dinner raising funds for a "worthy cause". During the appeal for donations he pledges a very large sum of money.

            Would your answer be different if he knew that his donation would be noted by a plaque and placed in a prominent place for all to see? -----?

             5.) Jack, just out of school, has landed a very lucrative job. With some of his earnings he purchases a shinny new convertible sports car and gives it to his sister as a birthday gift. Her friends think that he's great!

             6.) Katlin has worked twelve hour days and weekends for months trying to save up for her college education. Last evening she heard a presentation by the director of an orphanage in a poverty stricken third world country. Touched by the great opportunity, and overjoyed by her privilege to share of her accumulated savings she writes out a check to the orphanage amounting to fifty percent of her assets

             7.) John answers the knock on his office door and is handed a large manila envelope by a court appointed delivery man. He pulls out the enclosed document and reads the most devastating account accusing him of blatant incompetence and gross malpractice with obvious intent for personal gain in his handling of a difficult surgical case that he was involved in over a year ago. In his heart he knows that his patient is alive to bring suite because of his long hours of dedicated attention to repeated setbacks resulting form lifelong abuse of tobacco, alcohol, and other destructive LifeStyle practices. Fighting back the temptation to retaliate, he finally concludes in his mind that given the same need again, he would fight just as hard to save the life of the next patient.

             8.) Paul and Debbie receive word that their only son, Jim, has been killed while on the line of duty stationed with peace keeping forces in another land. Deeply saddened by the loss and fully aware of the days of loneliness yet to come, they never the less go to his room and kneel down to thank God for the eighteen good years that they have had together with Jim. They recount the good times and the hard times, but mostly they are grateful for the privileges that they have enjoyed in training him to be patriotic to his country and faithful to his God. With this they rejoice in the hope of seeing him again on resurrection morning.

Did you notice that sometimes it is impossible to know what motivates another person to action, and hence impossible to assess their true sense of self worth? Did you note too that true self worth is not determined by things we may do but by the heart that drives the action? Finally, have you discovered where a sense of true value, of true self worth comes from?

Life thrives in an environment where love is king. Death supervenes by natural consequence where love is displaced by self as "Number One". It is true through it's effect upon human physiology and hence upon the individual. It is true for its greater effect upon society. Selfishness kills, suddenly sometimes, but more often slowly.

Unfortunately, all of us are selfish. All of us look out first for "numero uno" most of the time. All of us are on a course whose natural end is death. Not because a loving Creator desired such for his creatures, but because of our choice to follow our own self centered inclinations that so often run counter to the laws of love. Except for the intervention of God into human affairs by executing his unprecedented plan for our rescue, life on planet earth would almost certainly have ended in self destruction of the whole race long, long ago. ("It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassion's fail not," Lamentations 3:22) Because of the plan, life goes on yet today, and death is only a temporary pause to be followed by resurrection to eternal life, selfishness and evil forever done away.

Seems too good to be true? Most people feel the same way. We would like to believe, but it all seems so foreign to our experience and our way of thinking. We look at others and judge that they are no better than us. We see in them the same striving for self supremacy that has always dominated the human race. We reason that if perfect love is the order of the new creation there is no way that they will ever be worthy. Then we look at ourselves in our reflective moments and know in our heart of hearts that we are no different. We too are on a self centered march toward death.

Herein lies one of the greatest obstacles to God's rescue operation. Our unbelief! Our inability to accept the simple but beautiful truths of God's love for us and the power of love to transform us again into his divine image - governed by love. As demonstrated throughout human history, individuals and societies tend to rise to no higher plane than exists their picture of their god. Unfortunately, those gods are seldom "bigger" than those who "create" them - a strange paradox of sin indeed!

But God, our Creator, has sought since that first dreadful day in Eden when our ancestors fell to the tricks of the evil one, to make himself known and believable to us. He will continue to do so until the plan is complete. For those who will believe, love may again become implanted and reign in the human heart and come to dominate the life. It's all in the plan and is progressing well. God will not leave his job only half done.

God is love. He is the only original source of love. Any love that we may experience, any growth love may make in our lives, any sense of value that we may know, must all come from that one source.

In the next chapter we will seek ways to connect with love at its source and begin to apply our knowledge of it in facing the issues of death and in dealing with grief.

Chapter IV      Making the Connection

We are intrigued when we read of the ability for bombers on long distance flights to be refueled in flight. Somehow, the transfer of highly inflammable fluids between fast moving aircraft at high altitudes seems next to impossible to the inexperienced mind. Many find it just as impossible to believe that each one of us may connect with the source of love and be infused with it's power. It is so foreign to our usual patterns of thought. In this chapter we will attempt to gain experience in making that connection with love. Because this book is primarily about facing death and dying and the grieving that accompanies it, the suggested readings and studies will focus upon this theme.

We live in the computer age. Nearly everyone understands at least a little bit about them. Most of us understand that they are mechanical gadgets that need to be programmed before they can perform their "miraculous deeds". Though ever so much more complex than any computer, the human brain operates by some of the same principles. It too has to be programmed before it can function effectively. Like computers, it comes loaded with a basic package of software. During the rapid growth of the first couple years of life the infant brain undergoes further specialized programming that prepares it to respond to the needs of the environment in which it finds itself. By the age of about ten years when the brain completes its growth period, the basic operational patterns are established. From then on throughout life learning continues according to these preestablished patterns. To enjoy optimum performance it must have a continuous flow of information fed into it via it's various input sensors, i.e., the eyes, ears, and nose, etc. Thus, the things that we see and hear and touch all add to the store of information that determines ultimate life experience. Since our basic software package provides us with the ability to choose the kind of information that may enter our sensors, our destiny in life is to a large extent determined by those choices. If we would understand love and truly experience it's power in our lives to face the really difficult things in life, yes, even death itself, it is paramount that we seek it at its source and fill our minds with its principles. ("By beholding, we become changed". See II Corinthians 3:18)

Love may be found in many places. In the following pages I will suggest ways for you to begin to make your connections with love at it's very source. Please study each suggestion and follow the recommendations given. You are now laying the foundation that will give you the tools to facilitate the application of love as you attempt to make the very best of a very bad thing, death and dying and the grief that accompanies it.

I:     Looking for Love in the natural world:   

Dedicate ten minutes daily to carefully examine the world of nature where you live. For example: As you look at the "weeds" that grow along your sidewalk, study them. Look at them closely, perhaps with a magnifying lens or microscope. Smell them. Perhaps taste them. feel them. Watch their life cycle. Study to see how they relate to other natural things. Read about them. Learn what you can about them. Do they have any value to you personally, to society, economically, chemically, therapeutically, etc.. As you study them, ask questions such as why these weeds? Where did they come from? What do they say about Love and the God who created them? How do they fit into the universal cycle of receiving and giving? What do they tell you about Love's enemy? (The Devil)

Possibly you don't have any weeds to study. If not, find other objects of nature upon which to focus your study. Rocks, soil, birds, fish, or perhaps one of the most revealing sources, the human body itself.

A week or two ago I was invited to watch a nature program on TV. It was describing a tropical Australian preserve - a beautiful program with excellent camera work. Certainly, I thought, God has done a great job in designing all of these beautiful creatures and plant life. Then I saw the crocodile catch an unsuspecting kangaroo, whip it about until it's life was gone, then fight with his fellow crocs for a piece of the prize. Why such carnage? Was this part of God's plan for this world - that one life form sacrifice it's life for another? Is this the meaning of receiving to give? Or was there another element at work here?

A few days later the questions came all over again as I watched a drama take place in my neighbors yard. A baby rabbit, three inches long at most, was sitting in the drive. His mother sat a short distance away. Suddenly, out of the blue, two giant black crows swooped down upon this defenseless little creature and began to pick at it with their great yellow beaks. The mother rabbit ran over to the crows, I suppose hoping to scare them away, but had no weapons to fight them off and so stood by helpless. The little rabbit finally gathered his wits enough to run for cover but to no avail. The pursuing crow soon had him in it's claws and flew away with his screaming dinner.

I was upset! Is this really what God created? Is this the way this world was made to run? It didn't seem right. Yet, to my observation, most of creation is dependent upon the biologic food chain. All through nature, little creatures are the food of larger ones. How can I rationalize this obvious behavior with the concept of a loving God?

But these were only animals. In Cambodia I saw daily the results of same kind of behavior among human beings. It happens with men in all the earth. The strong killing the weak - and not alone for food! My troubled mind struggled on and on. I knew that God had a plan to stop all of this for humans and that it is nearly complete. But why the pain and loss in the animal world? What is there to learn from this "mess"? Could I tolerate living for eternity in such an environment of death and dying, even if not among the human race? I was familiar with the Biblical statements, "The wolf and the lamb shall feed together, and the lion shall eat straw like the bullock", but I reasoned still, believing as I do in cause and effect law, this may possibly be true for these large animals, but there is certainly no way that it can apply to the whole of the "animal" world seemingly dependent upon the food chain to maintain balance in nature.

In desperation I cried out, "God, where is love here? Where are you in all of this?" And at once the thought struck. "What does the Bible say about the topic?" I was ready for the argument. "Nothing", I responded as if to someone at my side. "I am familiar with the Holy Scriptures and there is nothing there about this". But as I thought,